Mary-Jane Kingsland - Coach, Consultant & Columnist

Dressing for Success

2011-05-24T12:26:00.000+01:00

As modern working women we tread a fine line between wearing what we would like to wear and what society deems ‘appropriate’. Yet it begs the question, why shouldn’t we wear what we want?

The recent publicity attracted by Canadian PC, Michael Sanguinetti following his comment that women should stop dressing ‘like sluts’ to avoid being victimised has sparked global protest – 5,000 women have already held protests in Toronto and Boston and a reported further 5,000 will march in London in June.

Legislation goes some way to protect our right to choose; guidance offered by the Equal Opportunities Commission suggests that the Human Rights Act could arguably strengthen a sex discrimination claim about dress codes and the European Convention on Human Rights covers freedom from discrimination; although it is not a freestanding right, it can be cited in conjunction with other rights, such as the freedom of expression; as applicable to dress codes.

However, reliance upon legislation is a long shot and most of us experience the daily pressure to conform – and with the exception of those that must wear a prescribed uniform, it is a minefield of compromise. If we fly in the face of convention and dress exuberantly we risk criticism and as the majority of us are not bound by a prescriptive dress code – we must rely upon our best judgment. Problems arise when that judgment is not shared by those with whom we work.

Whilst we can never have any control over the peculiar perceptions of some, we can make informed decisions about what is best for us and our chosen career, because how we look is important and inescapably affects how we are perceived. Like it or lump it, a woman’s appearance is often associated with how well she does her job; for instance: ask for a description of a male colleague and you will be told about their style of working, possibly followed by a brief physical portrayal; ask for a description of a female colleague and their physical attributes are cited first, more often than not.

Perhaps it’s different for the generations; my 24-year-old daughter: extrovert and unashamedly feminine she is of the view that she is entitled to wear whatever she fancies and is happy to express her personality through dress; whereas my years in the legal profession have left me with a more conservative approach.

You are left to decide for yourselves what best suits you and your working life. We will always have our detractors, but happily we will also have the last laugh; some individuals still think that women dress for men... they haven’t realised that we actually dress for one another!

And, finally, the argument that women invite sexual discrimination or even attack because of their choice of clothing is ridiculous. Imagine for a moment a female sexual predator using the same defence; ‘his trousers were very tight and he was just asking for it’... excuse me whilst I laugh up my designer sleeve.

Mary-Jane is a Professional mentor, coach and trainer. You can contact her mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com

Do some Leaders have Special Powers ?

2011-04-11T17:05:00.000+01:00

Leaders can inspire great enthusiasm in others and create great affection for themselves and their passions – but how do they do it? Do they have Special Powers??

Having thought about this a lot over the years I have identified some remarkable attributes which natural leaders seem to share: I think they are very special indeed.

Xray Specs

Imagine that you have just found the best product in the world and you want to build a team to help you get your product to market and maximise that market for everyones enjoyment. How do you know which people to choose?

Well, a decent pair of xray specs would come in handy wouldn’t it. You could look into the souls of others and see their motivations and talents; but, inspirational leaders don’t need xray specs they can see you, warts and all and know that you have the potential to be part of something great – and this is their special power; a great leader sees the energy and qualities that you bring and a true leader knows how to nurture your talent.

Hypnotic Gaze

Have you noticed how that time spent with some people just leaves you smiling. You can’t help yourself; you have had an enjoyable experience and you want to do it again soon, but why is that? It’s because special people exude warmth, they are passionate about life – passionate about you; they are not afraid to show it – and the energy they radiate is catching. The Hypnotic gaze of a undercover leader may catch you unawares – they may use their most effective weapon; a warm smile, when you least expect it, to throw you off guard – it’s infectious and there is no cure – try it for yourself. We are all hardwired to take on the energy of those around us. Leaders know this and will happily help you harness your inner happiness.

Quantum Leaps

True leaders are not constrained by time.They do not drag around the baggage of the past, they inhabit the future and know that it is full of amazing opportunities and reachable dreams.

Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “Leaders are dealers in hope.” They infuse optimism into the culture around them, and they boost morale. While attentive to the current reality, they do not resign themselves to present circumstance.” In essence, they live for the future.

Cloak of Invisibility

Leaders know the value of working with a team and true leaders don’t need to hog all the limelight; they embrace the power of the team spirit and value everyone’s contributions. As a result, a leaders greatest satisfaction is found celebrating a team triumph.

Know any leaders with special powers ?

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Will you be celebrating International Women’s Day?

2011-03-01T09:52:00.000Z

Next month sees the celebration of International Women’s Day; Tuesday, March 8. Embraced by women across the globe; IWD is designed to inspire women everywhere and celebrates the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.

In no fewer than 15 countries; including China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria; IWD is declared a national holiday. Each year the event has a theme and this year the United Nation’s is “equality in education, training, science and technology”. In the UK alone, some 300 events are taking place, the Eastern region is no exception.

The first International Women’s Day event was in 1911, thus this year’s event is the global centenary year. IWD not only recognises the braveness of the suffragettes, but highlights and celebrates women’s success. The up shot of which is a timely reminder that inequality is still pertinent.

You could be forgiven for thinking that I am a feminist; with all the accompanying and unfortunate connotations of bra burning nutcase; so lets put the record straight. As chairman of the Norwich Business Women’s network I sometimes get asked if there is any good reason why any network, exclusively for women; is still relevant. The NBWN itself comes of age this year and will enjoy its own celebration of 21 years in the networking premier league. The question, quite frankly says more about the questioner, whilst the fact that the network continues to thrive merely serves to offer up the answer.

On the same theme; detractors of events, such as the IWD would say that such celebration of achievement, exclusive to one gender only, flies in the face of equality. I say no it doesn’t. Drawing attention to the achievements of women is relevant; simply because by recognising the ongoing need for equality at work and in life, we also celebrate our points of difference.

You can argue till you are blue in the face that the playing field is level and opportunities are there for everyone, no matter what their sex - and to some extent I would agree, but some significant differences are unassailable. Evolutionary gender science demonstrates that male and female brains are, to put it in layman’s terms: physically different. The part of the brain that controls sex drive and predisposition for food intake for instance. Moreover, parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, are larger in women. In essence we interpret our world differently; we learn, communicate and function in the workplace, in a distinctive way. In men, the parietal cortex, which is involved in space perception and the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, are larger: I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.....

Thus, in this significant year I urge you to embrace your strengths and celebrate the difference - for after all; it is that which makes us special.

Mary-Jane Kingsland is a professional mentor. mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com

My Mentor and Me

2011-02-07T10:58:00.000Z

Mentors hold us responsible for meeting deadlines, accomplishing goals and making progress. They are a powerful combination of ‘wise old owl’ and critical friend; they make it easier to achieve your goals – and have some fun along the way.

How My Mentor relationship works:
When you enter into a relationship with a mentor, you agree to hold each accountable. Talking on a regular basis is essential for maintaining momentum and making steady progress toward your goals.

Ideally, you should talk to your mentor every week. During the intervening 7 days you have the time to accomplish your goals for the week and plan your commitments for the next. Your mentor will note down your goals and ask you about them next time.

Once a month or every other week you should schedule a longer meeting with your mentor so they can provide a deeper level of support and insight.

Use the time with your mentor to get their input on a challenge you are facing; brainstorm ways to achieve a particular goal you’ve set, or tap into your mentor’s network of resources - it’s always the case that two heads are better than one.

When looking for a Mentor, look for someone who:
Is 100% committed to growth; theirs as well as yours. Mentors are as interested in their own growth as they are in yours.
Keep any agreements you make. Entering into a mentoring relationship requires making a commitment of time and energy - yours as well as theirs.

Always hold yourself accountable. One easy way to sabotage your success is to make excuses for yourself when you don’t keep to your agreements. Your mentor will listen to your justifications with compassion and kindness but don’t be at all surprised whey they don’t buy into them. Your mentor will hang on to your vision of success even when you have let go; and challenge you to do the work necessary to achieve the earlier goals you have set.
One thing is certain, at times you will slip and not keep to your commitments. Your mentor will help keep you focused and support you in finding a good solution.

Questions to ask a potential Mentor:
When you find someone who you would like to mentor you; have an honest conversation about what you want from the relationship. The more candid you are about what you need and what challenges have prevented you from achieving your goals in the past; the better equipped your mentor will be to support you.

A few questions a good Mentor will ask you at the start of your relationship:
What motivates you?
When you have set goals in the past, what worked to keep you focused and moving forward?
When you were met with obstacles, or you weren’t achieving as much success as you wanted - what kept you moving forward?
What do I need to know about you that might present challenges in our relationship?
What do I need to know about you that will support our relationship during difficult times?

Working with a good mentor is similar to climbing a mountain range with a skilled accomplice. They will help you hold on to the vision of the summit when you find yourself in a dark valley. They will encourage you when we you get tired and feel like quitting - and when you reach a new peak they will celebrate your success and help you navigate your way to the next. It may be possible to make the climb alone, but it’s far easier and much more enjoyable with your mentor by your side.

Thanks to Nigel for making me think of this. M-J

New Year - Are You In Charge

2011-01-06T09:53:00.000Z

There is something so beautifully hopeful about a brand new year; shiny and new, all 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 52,600 minutes and 3,153,600 seconds just waiting to be filled.

I imagine that like me you want to make 2011 as special as you can and yet, I know if it were all so jolly ‘Simples’; the ‘same old, same old’ by week two would not look so, all too familiar, but your salvation may lie in recognising that we are all creatures of habit and within our habits; good and bad, lies disarming comfort - and this being the case: it is so much easier to keep on keeping on, rather than throwing out the old and making way for the new, positively risky and possibly uncomfortable..... changes.

Yet, like it or lump it, life is all about change. A multiplicity of change takes place all the time - time refuses to stay still -and neither should we. If we sat in a darkened room, life outside would still move inextricably on - and so, it makes perfect sense to move on with it. Thus and with due humility, I would like to offer up some ideas that may spark your passion :

Firstly: Give yourself permission to recognise and embrace the need for change. Think about it, why would you wait for someone else to give you permission to move your life forward? Ask yourself: what are you waiting for?

Secondly: Recognise the need for a balanced life. Pursing your dreams is important and others should recognise that too; enroll their help. Too much work and not enough play can make life very dull indeed. Be proactive, there is very little joy in spending all your days doing others bidding; no matter who they are, recognise that your needs are also a priority.

And finally: Embrace the fact that you are indeed in charge of your life; for if you are not - who is ? It makes sense to take yourself seriously; to set out your priorities - to plan your time wisely; to recognise your goals; work out which are important to you this year and how you are going to turn your hopes into reality - ... 'Simples'!

You can contact Mary-Jane at mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com Mary-Jane is a business coach and mentor and founder of Green Light Mentoring - for the business of life ....

Hot desking and mince pies

2010-12-18T10:37:00.000Z

Christmas offers up the best time for prevarication. I can waste an endless amount of time eating yet another mince pie, training and stretching my stomach in readiness for the real challenge yet to come - Christmas lunch - on average 7,000 calories apparently ..! Anything to avoid actually working.

I don’t mind admitting that I am finding it really hard; nay ... (was that the sound of deer on the roof ??) impossible, to keep from being distracted and get on with anything resembling profitable output. Apart from the obligatory distractions of Christmas present buying; including those extra tricky ‘Secret Santa’ (success or distress for a fiver); there are so many extra curricula ‘only at Christmas’ activities we have to squeeze in around the daily grind; time management - ‘Bah Humbug !’

Take writing this column for example. I know I have to do it; I know when it has to be ready; but how long have I still messed around sorting my in tray (well, lifting and replacing the contents) and archiving irrelevant emails - generally trying to cheat my serious head; which by the way is getting very frustrated with me, into thinking that I really am, “going to get on with it in a minute” - honest !

If this sounds familiar we may have finally got to the point of this column.

Most of us are charged with the job (apart from the day one obviously) of chief custodian of everything historically assigned to womenfolk - you don’t you really need a list. Whilst mere mortals are relaxing on their sofas and enjoying some time off... we find ourselves .... ‘just loading the washing machine; writing a few cards, checking my emails - be there in a minute’ ... . At times like this, when the burden is exacerbated by the small matter of offering up the best Christmas you can - (and by the 25th!) is it at all surprising that your coping mechanism flashes Rudolph red alert and offers you yet another mince pie by way of a platitude.

Quite frankly, no. And, if like me your problem is compounded by enjoying the freedom of working for yourself, then you are in double trouble - my kitchen has never been so clean or the dishwasher emptied and refilled so frequently.

I have a new years resolution. It is to find fellow sufferers who love working for themselves, but also enjoy the discipline of mindless chat around the photocopier and want to hot desk a little. I seek the holy grail of really ‘logging off’ and I am already reserving my place on the sofa.

Of course there is always the danger that my attention will still wander and I am thinking that I should install a token dishwasher close by said hot desk - to stack and re-stack at will; thus fooling my sensible head into thinking that I am being productive .... after all.

Confidence is the key to finding success in business for Women

2010-11-16T11:50:00.000Z

Entrepreneurism is charging up the popularity poles and, true to type, refuses to lay down and keep quiet.

Barely a day passes without a missive from someone urging us into new enterprise - self reliance and self employment.

The message is very powerful. Duncan Bannatyne - who needs no introduction, has recently said that ‘it is the best time ever to start [a new business]’. Given the critical nature of the employment market and the redundancy horror stories that affect everyone in every sector, the rally call is timely and may be seen as motivating; but is it misplaced? Entrepreneurship is not a boat that everyone can float.

As an Ambassador for Enterprising Women, I recently met 45 female entrepreneurs at the House of Commons. It was evident that each and every one of us had turned our passion it into a workable business. The glorious evening was hosted by Bev Hurley: herself a serial entrepreneur and one of the UK's leading experts on growing sustainable and successful women-owned businesses.

On the drive home I mused upon the secret ingredient that these ladies evidently possess. Is it nature or nurture? Were these ladies born with a business brain and unshakeable resolve, or did life fashion their choices and the right doors open for them?

Duncan Bannatyne’s fellow Dragon, Peter Jones, believes that entrepreneurship and enterprise is something that can be taught. He has orchestrated the National Enterprise Academy to foster enterprise amongst the next generation, male and female - but, which ever side of the bed you lie, there is one very special ingredient that you must have by the bucket load - confidence in yourself. And there’s the rub; for whatever reason, women tend towards self-depreciation and a lack of self belief. Fundamentally we do not believe that we can do it on our own and this in a nutshell is what holds so many of us back.

My musing have led me to believe that there is a reason and perhaps an answer. As far back as we know, men fought for what they wanted. Using their innate physical strength they found food, shelter and a mate to bear and raise their children. Only the strongest survived. Although evolution has ensured that modern manifestations of progress are rather more sophisticated; genetic memory is very strong. With a warrior’s mindset, you can well understand why self belief and self reliance begets self-confidence. Women, on the other hand, have historically depended upon their menfolk to protect and provide. Remember that women only won the right to vote in 1928, just 72 years ago. Some say that this land mark was the resultant and cumulative appreciation of women’s work efforts during the First World War and the subsequent change in focus. Prior to that, women’s working role in western countries was limited, designated, ‘women’s work’ for the majority.
So, history and anthropology aside, if you are battling with a lack of self confidence; you are not alone - take heart and be brave.

Mary-Jane is a Norfolk business coach and mentor. You can contact her at mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com

Time Management Musts And Moving The Deck Chairs !

2010-08-02T18:28:00.000+01:00

SOME HELPFUL NOTES ON TIME MANAGEMENT ........ ‘oh that old Chestnut !!’

My clients and I often end up discussing how they can get more done during a busy day. Clients and friends ask about the secret to being more productive and then reel off a list of all the distractions; interruptions and demands on their time. They say they can't focus because of the constant barrage of phone calls; emails and daily pressure of working in today’s ‘instant response’ demanding environment.

Sound familiar?

Quite frankly; if you carry on as you are, the simple answer is that you will never solve the problem.

Got your attention?

Right, let’s begin have to have a discussion about what you need to do to
focus your time and get everything done.

First things first :-

1. All cures begin with an accurate diagnosis, or as Albert Einstein observed, ‘few problems can be solved by the kind of thinking that created them in the first place’, i.e. keep doing the same thing and expect the same results’- no surprises there.

Too often our attempts at "time management" are akin to re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You get the picture?

2. Accept that most of your have to's are self imposed. Very few things in life are truly "musts"

Secondly:-

List your most important priorities and if your list has more than 4-5 items on it, ask yourself if that really makes sense? Less important things may have to go.

Most importantly :-

Slow down.

Remember the old saying: "when you find yourself in a hole, the least you can do is stop digging!" (Abraham Lincoln said - "If I had 8 hours to chop down a tree, I would spend the first 7 hours sharpening my axe," never has there been a better metaphor for PLANNING.

And finally” -

High achievers make their goals into a lifestyle. They create a way of living that is built around their most important values and their highest priorities. They live the life they truly want. They certainly don't promise that someday they'll write a book or take a vacation. They plan and create a life that reflects their greatest desires and they do it TODAY.

If you want to do the same, let me know and I will do what I can to help you. M-J

Mentoring - It's all about You !

2010-05-26T11:39:00.000+01:00

Mentoring is not new; it manifested in Greek Mythology; the Greek Goddess Athena, took on the guise of a mortal mentor to encourage and inform. The first recorded modern usage can be traced back to 1699.

In these challenging times, Mentoring is making a big comeback - and rightly so.

Different from a role model, a Mentor engages with you; has only your best interests at heart and has the skill to build a meaningful relationship which bears fruit.

A Mentoring relationship works because your Mentor can provide you with the expertise, borne out of their own experience; to advance your career, enhance your education - formal and otherwise - and build meaningful networks. I know this because my own career has been enhanced by the support and encouragement of more than one Mentor.

Back in 2004, I had what I now euphemistically refer to as an Epiphany. I realised that to move forward in my career I needed help. Not the advice of those closest to me; valuable as that is, it is hard to find objectivity amongst your family and friends - they want the best for you but, might not have the special resources that you need. I recognised that I needed the help of someone who could take a pragmatic view of my situation and with whom I could develop an empowering relationship. And yes, you are right - it had to be all about me.

I recognised that as a young women I had paid far too much attention to the knee jerk type, ‘advice’, that is routinely given to girls when discussing their future careers. Fortunately I had enough acumen to ignore the advice of our history teacher, also moonlighting as the careers advisor: he focused upon my speaking voice and suggested that I should look for work as a telephonist.

Now, if being a telephonist is what you want; embrace it - but, it was not what I wanted and he should have known that. The sad thing is that it made me doubt what I was capable of - and thus I shelved my dreams for at least a couple of years.

Fortunately, I was back on track after a pivotal conversation with a enlightened law lecturer who merely posed the question ....”Well, why wouldn’t you?” This resourceful individual encouraged me to embark on a strenuous course of study, even though I had to continue to work full time. He effectively mentored me through a tough period and gave me the confidence to find a successful niche in the workplace.

Again, following my Epiphany in 2004, I returned to university and was fortunate to find a post-graduate student; older and with a great deal more experience, who took me under her wing and gently nurtured me through a masters degree.

I owe them both a great debt of thanks - yet neither asked for anything in return - other than my perseverance.

It is my view that women sideline their careers and own advancement for reasons which even they may not understand. I conducted a brief survey recently, with the history teacher scenario in mind - and found that in the group I contacted, the majority had had a similar experience; the advice that they had received at crucial moments - such as whether to go to university - pursue a dream - take a risk: had only served to rein in their aspirations. Happily they rallied, believed in themselves and ultimately pursued their dreams.

The beauty of Mentoring is that you are allowed, indeed - you are encouraged to put yourself first; something that many of us still find difficult. And, this is what lies at the heart of Mentoring - and why I am such a passionate advocate for it. The Mentoring relationship is unique because it is designed to empower you - to move you forward with confidence - it is, indeed, all about you.

Mary-Jane is the founder of Green Light Coaching and Mentoring, http:/www.green-light.uk.com. and currently supporting Project Evolve, a government funding mentoring programme, http://www.uea.ac.uk/nbs/evolve/about

Is this something for you ?

I need a hero !

2010-04-28T09:56:00.001+01:00

I recently commented in the EDP upon the Treasury Select Committee’s report which found that the UK’s Banking debacle was in part due to the lack of women in top jobs in the financial sector.

Effectiveness of female bankers aside, my view is that we need to see a real cultural shift in attitude before we see any improvement in the current statistics - which confirm that only 9% of board members of the FTSE 350 companies are female.

Although you may not have any burning desire to head up a corporation; I would argue that whatever position you hold, you should not be afraid to expect recognition and proper reward for your efforts - and equally be aware of the real danger of falling into the ‘unsung hero’ trap.

I certainly did. I believed that so long as I worked hard and did a good job, my efforts would be recognised and acknowledged - more fool me. If the phrase ‘all of the responsibility and none of the reward’ sounds familiar, it could be time to make a change.

The question to ask yourself is: “Why am I behaving this way?” The answer may be uncomfortable reading; but most likely lies in that female cracker - self doubt.

Janet Street Porter would not strike you as a shrinking violet - yet in an interview on Radio 4 last year, discussing the lack of women in the boardroom, she surprised everyone by suggesting that lack of confidence was the problem. She admitted that whilst she appeared confident - the reality was quite different - she hit the metaphorical nail on the head.

For reasons of expectation and upbringing no doubt; a lack of self belief is often a pre-cursor for falling into the unsung hero trap - thus you rely wholeheartedly upon the good auspices of others to reward your efforts.

In my work as a coach I often come across the phenomenon of the ‘impostor syndrome’, particularly with female clients. Despite all evidence to the contrary, there is a fear that one day the mask will slip and their true inadequacies and indeed inability to do the job they have, will be revealed to the world - clearly ridiculous - but none the less powerful and self-limiting.

Another restrictive factor is the lack of positive role models. To this end, I was delighted to see that Bev Hurley’s stirling efforts for enterprising, entrepreneurial women in our region and beyond, were recognised last week in the Queen’s Award for Enterprise Promotion. Bev Hurley is a powerhouse of innovation and a true inspiration - exactly what you need in a role model. Moreover, it is proven that women, more than men, benefit from role modeling; more particularly: the shared gender specific knowledge and experience that high achieving women demonstrate. All well and good, but I would suggest that as well as looking to others for inspiration - how about also looking to yourself?

Think about it - what qualities does a role model exhibit? True role models are those who possess admirable skills; they make us want to work smarter and be better people; to advocate for ourselves, attain our goals and take leadership on the issues that we believe in. A role model can inspire, but ultimately it is you who has to act upon that inspiration.

If we are to see more women on the board and redress the balance, there is no better place to start than with yourself. Be your own hero - or is that heroine !!

M-J is a Coach and Mentor, see her website at www.green-light.uk.com. M-J, also Chairs the Norwich Businesswomen’s Network, www.nbwn.co.uk

Come on Ladies !

2010-04-01T09:16:00.001+01:00

The Norwich Businesswomen’s Network met earlier this month to hear Paul Hill, Editor of The Business, speak on the subject:- ‘How do we judge success - Particularly in women?’. 70 local businesswomen gathered and the answer in a nutshell was:- ‘Differently’.

The debate continues, other organisations are taking up the mantle, but I fear that it throws up more questions than it answers.

There appears to be no good reason why successful business women in our region are all but absent from the last listing of the Future50. I know from my Chair of the NBWN that 25% of the membership own and run their own business - and that some are certainly successful enough to be featured.

Why they are not; has occupied me since I last wrote about it in September 2009. I received - and continue to receive - correspondence from female entrepreneurs who on the face of it should be nominated - but here’s the rub - they have not put themselves forward - why not?

Aside from a few; the majority of successful ladies fail to self promote; draw attention to their achievements; chest beat - call it what you like. We are shrinking violets when it comes to shouting our success from the roof tops - why is that?

I know several women who run their own businesses, nay have started a business from scratch at home; whilst also pioneering family life: who are roof top shouting successful - but do they do not shout! Why not?

Clambering down from my soap box for a moment; I do accept that not all women want to run their own business and there are no prerequisites for seeking unbridled accolade if you do; but if it is your bag then why on earth would you not want the world to know how well you have done? The thing is: our menfolk are not so shy about grabbing the limelight and drawing attention to their achievements - I give you a classic example. A good friend of mine started a business when she was a young mum. She developed it successfully and her husband gave up a well paid job to join her - you could be forgiven for thinking that it has always been his business though, to hear him talk.

Obviously my friend is quick to point out the mistake, but my point is, unless you are prepared to stand up and be counted you will be overlooked. Society still likes to assume that it is the man that is the high achiever - and quite frankly, who can blame it if we fail to push ourselves forward.

You will remember John Gray’s well thumbed book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. In a dumbed down way it explained what we all already knew - men and women are different animals and once you recognise that you will stop expecting them to act and perform the same - that goes for a female run business too - it’s a completely different animal.

So where does that leave the Future50 and the like? The answer must lie in the criteria that the judges apply - any panel must recognise that success comes in all shapes and sizes - and some of it may be more curvaceous than others.

The answer also lies in business women accepting that success, in all it’s forms; is worth standing up for.

Eleanor Roosevelt summed it up beautifully when she said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Come on Ladies!

Mary-Jane is a specialist coach and trainer: see her website www.green-light.uk.com

Are you being trampled by a Pink Elephant?

2010-03-03T10:06:00.003Z

I was asked to join in the debate about workplace bullies the other day on BBC Radio Norfolk. Nick Conrad invited listeners to call in with their experiences. One lady rang in with a miserable account of how her female boss had bullied her into leaving her job.

You might think that working women would watch out for one another - but you would be wrong. Research shows that two thirds of known female bullies choose other women as their victims. What is more, the tactics they employ are so much more subtle than ranting and raving Gordon Brown style; oh yes, you will have to ‘box clever’ if one has you in her sights.

The phenomenon is sometimes called ‘the pink elephant in the room.’ Hitting right at the heart of the sisterhood; the female perpetrator will systematically, cleverly sabotage her colleague, but often in such a way that is impossible to report; without sounding more than slightly paranoid.

I heard of one top female executive who managed to get onto a board of directors, only to be adroitly hoisted off by the other female board member who started a whispering campaign; which the male board members were only too happy to endorse. Clearly there was only room for one Queen Bee.

Worryingly statistics show that bullying at work has increased by a staggering 50% over the last decade. Moreover, 52% of known victims are women. Charitable helplines set up to help victims cope are reporting a startling rise in calls.

I think that these increases may be due, in part to the fact that since the 1970’s gender inequality was outlawed as an excuse to underpay working woman and as a result women have steadily developed a growing presence in the workplace; representing 48% of the current workforce, working full and part time.

That’s the good news, the bad news is that even now, female graduates earn less than their male counterparts! Don’t let anyone tell you that the playing field is any where near level yet.

So given this, it is perhaps not too hard to see the motivation at least, behind the defensive behaviour of some career orientated females. Moreover, bullying at work is more common amongst higher wage earners - and there lies another important factor.

Despite equal pay legislation and the cursory nod towards flexible working practice, the disparity between the sexes and incomes is stark. My attention was recently drawn to an article which dwelt upon the question of whether a woman could expect her marriage to survive if she earnt more than her husband. Figures were heralded as ‘significant and staggering’ and suggested that a quarter of working women now earn as much as their husbands - a quarter !!! Goodness me, time to break out the Cava - obviously we cannot afford champagne on our wages.

That aside, bullying in any shape or form should never be tolerated, but recognising what lies behind a bully’s behaviour will help you understand that it is never your fault. A common explanation is that a person is promoted beyond their abilities and finds themselves inadequate to the task; yet they cannot entertain the possibility of failure - so they lash out at others to vent their frustrations - don't get trampled in the process.

Mary-Jane, M.A.,M.A.C. is Chair of the Norwich Businesswomen’s Network, HYPERLINK "http://www.nbwn.co.uk" www.nbwn.co.uk.and owner of Green Light, www.green-light.uk.com

Are you being trampled by a Pink Elephant

2010-03-03T10:06:00.001Z

Are you being trampled by a Pink Elephant

2010-03-03T10:06:00.000Z

Women and their Pensions

2010-01-27T09:11:00.001Z

There are two ways of looking at the ageing. If your cup is half empty; you might imagine an inevitable downward decline in physical and mental attributes but, if your cup runneth over - you will count your blessings; spend an alarming amount on face cream and continue as an asset in any workplace, no matter what your chronological measure.

However, there is no escaping the fact that it is never too early to think about your retirement - and just in case you have not got around to it, others are thinking about it for you.

The Equalities and Human Rights Commission is looking to bring about a reform of retirement age and indeed have made it the focus of its pre-election campaigning. The EHRC, supported by Saga, have called for the retirement age to be scrapped entirely.

Apparently, the EHRC proposals are backed by a survey into older workers’ aspirations. A quarter of men and two thirds of women aged over 50 say that they want to carry on working beyond state pensionable age.

There is a world of difference however, between ‘want’ and ‘need’. The existing default retirement age allows employers to require all staff to retire at 65. The decision is appealable and interestingly 1.3 million people work beyond state pension age. Is this because they have chosen to lengthen their working lives - or simply that they have no other option financially?

Isn’t it fair to argue that if you have worked throughout your life and contributed to not only your state but also a private pension fund, it is a reasonable expectation that retirement provision will reflect your efforts? Apparently not, if you are the average working woman your payable pension will reflect your gender.

Kay Burt, of Kay Burt Investments comments:

“Many women lose out in terms of pension income in the UK. They often receive lower pension income from employee pension plans, because of lower average pay and fewer years worked, due to time off to raise children. They also receive lower annuity income payments when they come to take their personal pension benefits as well, as they tend to live an average of 3yrs longer than men; this is taken into account when the pension companies determine how much annual income they will pay women, compared to men for the same accumulated pension fund.”

There is a double whammy here. The disparities in gender provision are further highlighted by the fact that women who worked part-time to facilitate the business of raising a family were often prevented from joining a company pension scheme at all; leaving them reliant upon a state pension scheme which is historically calculable upon the number of years worked and paid proportionately.

By removing the default pensionable age and minimising pay outs from pensions funds, many women will be forced to continue working at a time in their lives when they would prefer not to. Jeanette Wheeler Employment Partner at Birketts Solicitors comments:

“I predict that one result of this change in legislation will be that whilst some people will benefit, (it is clear that for economic reasons there is a necessity to allow people to work longer, when such poor pension provision has been made by so many) employers may well seek to performance manage or discipline older employees who in the past they had left alone on the basis that they would be retired soon. I have come across many such situations....”

This comment reflects recent research at the University of Portsmouth that women of around 60 report being less happy at work than their male counterparts.

Whatever the reason, it appears that a woman’s decision to retire will be coloured by legislative and financial impositions and that age is no longer a pre-requisite for determining when. http://www.green-light.uk.com" www.green-light.uk.com

Time Machines !

2010-01-06T16:32:00.001Z

I like this time of year - it offers the perfect opportunity to think about what lies ahead. Aside from contemplating your expanded waistline and depleted bank balance; I suggest you reflect upon how you can make your most precious resource - time, work for you over the next 12 months. As we all know, time is limited and the lack of it gave birth to every skilled working woman's effective answer - multitasking.

The need for clear thinking and organisation has reached an all time high over the last few years. Not only are we judged by our ability to juggle work/home/our contribution to the community and also remain Nigella Lawson delicious - we now have another time vacuum to cater for - our 'on line presence'.

Last year, I devoted many days of my life developing my LinkedIn profile; alongside the plethora of other online necessities - but, the more you participate, the more time you have to spend keeping up to date. So much so that there doesn't seem to be enough time in a day - and there’s the rub. When do you call a halt and concentrate on the real people in the room? I know that I keep up to date in the early evening; whilst also cooking dinner, loading the washing machine and yes it has to be said, probably ignoring everyone with a pulse in the near vicinity.

This does beg the question - why are we all so desperate to be seen online - and is this extraordinarily time consuming; but apparently necessary 'presence', a good thing?

Ofcom, the communications regulator, researched modern online activity recently and found that this almost epidemic form of time swallower, is at an all time high. Over a third of people questioned admitted to being online in the evenings (phew!). Moreover, women have closed the gender gap and are leading the way, particularly in the forum of online social networking. The number of women using social networks, for business and pleasure has grown by 53% over the last year alone.

Social networking is undoubtedly embraced by working women because it is the easiest and perhaps more importantly - the quickest, way to keep in touch; whilst also maintaining some semblance of a work life balance.

Men like socialising on line too, but multitasking women are naturally drawn to this type of relationship building; Twitter is a case in point; limited to 140 characters you can post a quick update in a moment.

I would never suggest that quick tweets and emails should replace face to face contact. There will always be a need for the personal touch; but the internet appears to satisfy our need to be sociable; the astounding growth of online interaction proves this.

Yes of course, the need to keep up to speed with online activity and contending with real life can be exhausting - as with all multitasking it requires commitment and planning - but hey, working women have been excelling at both since time immemoriable.

So, with this in mind you may be tickled to know that according to researchers, we have effectively gained between 5 - 7 hours of free time each week since the 1960's. I have no idea how we have managed to do that and I have no idea where I might find them - but it does give me hope that if I continue to multitask so effectively in 2010 I will have enough time to sit down with a cup of tea and do absolutely nothing - well, until someone sends me a text !

Mary-Jane wishes you all a very happy and healthy New Year.

mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com

Balancing the Books

2009-12-02T10:42:00.001Z

I was fortunate enough to attend the Women, Research and Enterprise Forum. An impressive gathering of local businesswomen and female researchers, marking National Women & Enterprise Day. We listened to Erika Watson, of WEETU and Prowess fame; Erika asked the question - ‘Was the financial crises manmade?’

Erika has an MBE in deference to her contribution to enterprise and equality promotion and a wealth of knowledge at her fingertips.

Erika suggested that we take a step back and consider how differing gender values affect our behaviour at work. A good example would be to visualize a City Trader for instance - immediately you are thinking; male, suit, high octane-testosterone fuelled - ambitious and impatient. Contrast that with the image of an Earth Mother; whose main focus is the well being of others, the home and the long term well-being of her family.

Most of us are a mixture of both; I know there are days when my behaviour resembles more of a Trader than a Nurturer, but it is fact that the sexes have recogniseable gender traits.

The current fiscal fiasco was undeniably orchestrated by the very masculine measure of achievement that is; the fast acquisition of economic growth - at any cost. It is now commonly accepted that the plan, if indeed there was one, lacked sustainability.

Experts, including Erika argue that the solution can be found in balance; the employment, quite literally of opposites; the yin and yang of the working world, that is the different values brought to the workplace by men and women. However, before we can start to redress the problem we have to see a cultural change. A complete move away from the current way of thinking that tolerates inequality.

By way of example, a recent financial services inquiry revealed that in the City of London women earn 55% less than their male counterparts - the largest pay gap of any UK industry. Alarmingly the pay difference is as applicable to newly appointed females - as to those who have been there a while.

Moreover, of the bonuses paid - the rights and wrongs of which is a separate debate - women receive just one fifth of that ‘trousered’ by their male colleagues.

Some countries have woken up to the fact that long term ‘finance with feminine values’ is the way forward. Iceland for instance has more women in significant financial roles than anywhere else in the world. They recognise that the employment of overtly feminine values will work to recover the country’s shattered finances and lead to a balanced economy. The real difference is that the focus in Iceland is ‘how’, rather than ‘whether a feminine approach can help the recovery.

Another enlightened country is Norway who introduced it’s own ground breaking legislature that by 2008; 40% of all company board members would be female. Initially the initiative was to be voluntary and private firms were given until July 2005 to increase female board representation. When the response was lack lustre the government took the bull by the horns and simply introduced legislation that ensured compliance; the penalties for noncompliance were severe: firms were penalised with fines, then deregistration from the Oslo Stock Exchange and finally dissolution. Karita Bekkemellem, Norway’s Minister for Children and Equality, stated, “The government’s decision is to see to it that women will have a place where the power is, where leadership takes place in this society.”

Let’s be clear, the driver behind these initiatives is economical, not political. Ernst & Young recently released a report, highlighting the significant and proven contributions women make toward economic growth, concluding:

“The crisis makes us focus and look at first principles: the important role women play in advancing economic opportunities and how critical it is for a country’s prosperity and economic growth to invest in women and ensure they’ve got a level playing field. We have studies and empirical data that support this point, but often don’t have the will to do what needs to be done. “

I rest my case. M-J

A critical friend is a true friend

2009-11-04T08:50:00.001Z

Over the past weeks I have become aware of the phrase ‘critical friend’. It has frequently popped up during conversations with like minded businesswomen. At first I took it at face value - having thought about it, I realise the inherent power of the true ‘critical friend’.

We all tend to seek the approval of others; women do so more so than men, simply because of the way we relate to one another. Woman are naturally more attuned to the reaction of others and innately sensitive to the interdependence of our lives. The ideology of the critical friend is defined, not by the one who takes delight in belittling your efforts on a regular basis; rather someone who will strive to help you achieve the best possible outcome; reviewing your continuing progress and using their unique experience to your advantage.

The simile of a dive buddy serves well to demonstrate this approach. No matter how experienced the diver, most prefer to have another looking out for them; they make their dive safe in the knowledge that a colleague is monitoring their progress and will always react in their best interests.

The wider application of the critical friend has manifested in the field of education for many years; in recognition of the fact that a solitary, disconnected approach to issues which affect establishments with a common aim, simply fails to make sense . The ideal of this methodology has gained momentum in commercial circles and can be applied to organisations as well as individuals. The critical friend has many guises.

I last heard the phrase at a reception recently, held by a relatively new enterprise the Norfolk Knowledge. Started by the Norwich Business School and supported by Norfolk County Council, the main purpose of Norfolk Knowledge is to develop a network that offers local business, commercial and voluntary, access to the untapped experience of a collective of individuals living within the county.

Like many new, successful innovations, it provokes a 'slap your forehead' type response. Of course, we all possess a body of unique and useful experience. A working woman who has already navigated the deep waters of career and family knows a thing or two about keeping all the balls in the air and not dropping one; she is likely to have a view about best practice. She has developed strategies for coping, which might just prove invaluable to someone else.

This is one reason why networking is so important. A strong network of like minded individuals may also have the potential for building a body of ‘critical friends’. Since I have taken over as Chair of the Norwich Businesswomen’s Network, I have found myself explaining the benefits of women only networking. There is a school of thought that suggests that organised groups of working women are taking an insular stance against the wider business community; the antithesis of a critical friend approach perhaps?

I disagree. You cannot argue against the fact that women’s clubs are thriving - and for very good reason. Women are natural networkers, yet, the structure of many business clubs curb this instinctive talent. Women flourish in environments that are supportive and offer a positive forum to make connections that are both enjoyable and beneficial. In most female networking environments, egos are left at the door and there is space to learn from others and forge valuation relationships.

Whether you need the helping hand of a critical friend or are able to offer your own special brand of expertise - I have no doubt that we all benefit from the experience.

You can contact Mary-Jane at mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com. See her website at www.green-light.uk.com

Where are the Ladies in the League !

2009-10-13T16:02:00.000+01:00

The Future50 is a cause for celebration. East Anglia is a hot bed of talent and entrepreneurism - but come on ladies where were you ??

The EDP’s Future50 is a splendid collection of local entrepreneurs, all of whom, apart from Claire Martinsen and Kate Gaskin, are male. Why?

Given that there are more women than men in the UK and 70% work for a living, the disproportionate representation is difficult to reconcile. I know, as I am sure you do, that there are plenty of inspirational women working hard and very successfully in our region. So why are they not in the listing?

One answer may be that there persists an intrinsic complacency in the UK which suggests that the battle for equality has already been won. Nearly three-quarters of a representative sample of women surveyed for recent research stated that they agreed with the statement: `Women today have as much chance of succeeding in the workplace as men'.

Phooey I afraid. The facts tell a different story. According to the Government's Equalities Office, women remain the largest under-represented group in the UK in terms of participation in enterprise.

Many women also encounter particular barriers in accessing business support focused on their needs, supportive business networks and access to business mentors. Women are also less likely than men to believe they have the confidence and skills to start a business.

True, there are more women in positions of power and authority than there were 30 years ago, but only 11.7% of FTSE 100 directorships are held by women. Yet girls continue to out perform boys throughout their schooling and although there are fewer female undergraduates in some of the more traditional 'male' subjects of science, engineering and technology; the women who study these subjects often come out on top too.

So why do women; at least as well educated and qualified, become invisible when they leave education?

To find out where the answer lies, I did a little survey of my own - these were some of the comments:-

"Women make lifestyle choices and set up business that work’s around the demands of their families".

"Women don’t tend to go into manufacturing and make big sellable companies that hit the headlines."

“I find it difficult to know where to go for independent financial help”

"Women feature highly in the service industries and their success is not seen."

“We just aren't very good at chest beating”

This leads me to my next question - does it matter that we do not feature highly in the league tables? Well yes and no.

Yes it does matter if your success is not properly recognised. Most working women I know go about their daily lives at work and at home with remarkable fortitude and good humour; but their achievements often pass without acknowledgement.

And of course no; it doesn’t matter in the great scheme of things - as my mother used to say, “No one died..”

So where does that leave us? Nominations are now being taken for the 2010 Future50. The absence of females the ratings for 2009 has raised a few eyebrows - not only mine - so please if you would like to nominate a woman whose business acumen you admire - they can be from any background or industry; please email, future50entries@archant.co.uk. The judges are looking for entrepreneurs - they don’t need to be heading up multinationals - but perhaps, like the first black president, Barack Obama, they would say - “Yes we can”.

Bullies in the Work Place

2009-09-09T09:13:00.002+01:00

Watch out for the energy vampires !

Sometime ago, a good friend of mine left a well paid, well respected job because of workplace bullying. It took sometime for her to regain her self-confidence but I am happy to report that she is now fully recovered.

Sadly, her experience of bullying at work is far from unique. I met with a former colleague recently and we recalled encounters with a particularly unpleasant individual. Our experiences were mirror images, in that the same type of repeated passive aggressive manipulation had managed to gnaw away at us. We agreed that the experience was a contributing factor to our leaving to work elsewhere.

It’s as well be be aware that bullies adopt many different guises. Don’t expect the stereo typical thug who repeatedly steals your lunch money. The colleague who talks platitudes whilst stabbing you in the metaphorical back in the one to watch.

Surprisingly perhaps, recent research supports the view that women who are the subject of workplace of bullying/discrimination are not the vulnerable, weak prey you might think. They are more likely to be high achievers; competent go getters.

One reason is that although legislative improvements since the 1970s have gone some way to even out the playing field; gender stereotyping is still alive and well. The women who have broken through the ranks and achieved success are often treated differently from those that have not - the assumption being that they must be aggressive, ball breakers.

With this in mind I would like to draw your attention to a particular strain of bully the insidious and aptly named: ‘energy vampire’. A relatively new phenomenon, deserving of an entry in Wikipedia. The aim of the energy vampire is to leave it’s victim drained and vulnerable.

You may have met one already? At first they seem merely annoying and you laugh it off - in fact you probably feel sorry for them and humour them a little; but beware, the daily drain can wear you down. The effectiveness of the vampire lies in repeated attack. It may take the form of nit-picking, snide comments veiled in a joke or out and out rudeness. As with all bullies it’s about control and in this case, control over you.

Of the cases that see the light of day, the majority of workplace bullies are people who have managerial positions, both men and women. However the greater number of those bullied are women. I fear that as the recession bites harder bullying will increase.

So how to combat it? First step, be a slayer not a victim. Bullies, particularly the energy vampires are weak, frightened individuals who like to bully others because it makes them feel better about themselves. For whatever reason they are incapable of relying upon their own attributes to get ahead and need to bring others down to their pitiful level.

Once you see them for what they are you are free of their grasp. The next step is to expose them in true slayer style - a vampire will wither in the sunlight and a bully cannot operate effectively when everyone knows what they are doing - they rely upon a veneer of respectability.

The bully never wins in the end, because like any addict they are trapped in their cycle of destructive behaviour - they have to feed their habit to keep themselves satisfied.

The rest of us we have a choice - we can step into the sunshine. M-J

The Dorothy Affect

2009-08-17T12:45:00.002+01:00

I was fortunate enough to be invited to an event which discussed our region in the context of the global market place.

Hosted by MBA students of the UEA’s Norwich Business School and held at the Dragon Hall, the event encapsulated all that is good about business in the Eastern region.

Guests were invited to ask questions - I asked the panel for a view on whether business women were advantaged or indeed disadvantaged in the current global market.

I deliberately phrased the question with caution; I could equally have asked why, in their view, women are noticeably under represented in the majority of senior roles in our sceptred isle - and indeed everywhere else on the globe?

The answer from the floor was unambiguous and made reference to the natural talents of women playing their part and contributing to the mix.

I believe that the answer to the unasked question may lie in women’s failure to embrace the notion of self worth. I give you an example: Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Probably not the first person to spring to mind, but think about it; Dorothy was a true leader. She identified the tasks at hand, formulated a plan and overcame considerable obstacles to facilitate what her team lacked; a brain for the scarecrow, a heart for the tin man and courage for the lion.

The point is that Dorothy already had what she needed all along, magical silver shoes - but she didn’t realise it. In addition to excellent footwear, a staple for any woman; she already possessed a good brain, the heart of a lion and enough courage to carry on when most fair weathered friends would quite frankly, have thrown in the towel!

Some might say Dorothy's behavior represents the stereotypical female approach to nurture the progression of others and leave their own reward in the lap of the gods. However research shows that there are companies who take gender difference seriously and employ innovative and diverse ways to recruit female talent and support their aspirations.

Empirical research has shown that companies who invest in their staff reap benefits and antidotal evidence proves this to be the case. Further evidence confirms that understanding the way women work and facilitating opportunities for personal growth are keys factors to personal and company success.

Robin Smith, Director of Global Diversity for Nortel, a communications company says: “The underlying principle is that if we help our people to succeed, we help our business to succeed." Nortel helps women employees by sponsoring women’s business councils, forming part of a global network that links women through common interest and events. The women benefit from the opportunity to network and increase their global profile.

Other employers could take a leaf out of their book. By recognising that women like Dorothy are natural facilitators, but reluctant chest beaters.

Your Country Needs You !

2009-07-15T09:11:00.001+01:00

Chatting to colleagues and clients recently I discovered that despite economic pressures - and the ever present threats to health and safety; it would still appear that a lot of us are feeling rather upbeat. Bearing in mind that most of us are battling with all the daily rigors of work, family, et all - it set me wondering why this should be.

On the back of this I did a little research and found that, according to the pundits, British office workers are happier now than at anytime since the recession started - even to the extent that a staggering 78% of female workers report high levels of happiness; higher than in the previous year. These figures originate from ‘The Happiness at Work Index’, prepared by Badenoch & Clark, based upon a quarterly review of 1000 workers. The figures reveal that women say they are happier than men; women between the ages of 35-44 years appear to be more happy than most - but top of the league are women who work flexible hours.

Neil Wilson, managing director at Badenoch & Clark, has this to say: "The Happiness at Work Index is an important barometer of the mood of the nation. We spend most of our waking life at work and so happiness and morale levels in the office give an important insight into the general outlook of the population.”

This reminds me of a conversation I had years ago with a much put upon friend - who was so adept at juggling she could have been in the circus. She told me that she often felt like ‘the family barometer’, in that if she was content, so was the family - and visa versa.

The point being that if we are happy - and it would appear that we are relatively content - the family is happy. To expand this theory would suggest that the happiness of the nation depends heavily upon the female contingent feeling a certain level of well being.

Well, if that’s the case, there is even more argument for keeping us happy at work; given the fact that study after study has shown that a happy employee is also a productive employee; thereby suggesting that any positive measures employers take to ensure happiness amongst their female employees will not only increase productivity, but may well have a much desired increase in contentment all round.

Any employer worth their salt should take stock of their female staff and consider ways in which they can work to improve participatory working practices; such as flexible working; thereby acknowledging the real need for a balanced working life. Research demonstrates that work satisfaction directly correlates with overall life satisfaction.

Equally, now is the time to decide what you need to improve your own working life - and plan how you are going to get it. I would not suggest that this is easy - the current climate of economic uncertainty challenges us all emotionally and financially, but you can buffer the effect by building upon what you have.

This is definitely a good time to look to your strengths and encourage others to do so too. It is generally assumed that high achievers set themselves higher goals whilst low achievers set themselves lower goals, or don’t bother. However, research indicates that top achievers know their capabilities and set goals slightly above their current level of performance - we’ve all heard of ‘moving the goal posts’ - well that’s what high achievers do; when they reach their goal, they move the marker slightly out of reach and strive again. Furthermore they learn to recognise their talents, develop them further and find the occupations that suit them best. I would suggest that this is the way forward.

If one of your roles is that of familial matriarch, in whatever sense it may manifest, I encourage you to recognise the importance of your efforts.

In the immortal words of Lord Kitchener, “Your Country Needs You’!

Embrace the difference

2009-06-23T16:03:00.000+01:00

I was lucky enough to hear Wilfred Emmanuel-Jones the other week at the Norfolk Network’s 6th birthday party - and I am still suffering from an insatiable craving for his special ‘Black Farmer’ sausages!

Wilfred claims to be the UK’s only black farmer and has marketed his brand of meat products accordingly; adorned with a likeness of him in a rather large hat. He is a powerhouse of optimism and cheekiness that belies his humble background. Wilfred came to Birmingham from Jamaica in the 50’s and like many others suffered poverty and disadvantage – but unlike so many – he dared to dream and now he is living proof that dreams can come true.

Not only that, but he has used the one thing he could not change; being black - and made it work for him in a remarkable way. As a result of Wilfred’s pioneering spirit he achieved his dream; to own a farm – but perhaps more importantly he has facilitated his working life. “Work and love”, are happiness encapsulated; according to Sigmund Freud - and for once I agree with him.

Whether you describe what you do as ‘work’, a job or a career, it is so much more than just a vehicle for earning money. Ideally it also offers a sense of self-value, interest; challenge and community. Yet, a lot of us are guilty of the other definition of ‘career’ and let ourselves progress in an uncontrollable fashion throughout our working life; never having any particular goal and not particularly enjoying what we are doing.

You may argue that circumstances are such that you just need to get food on the table and if that it the case then so bit it – but if you follow Wilfred’s example, no disadvantage, be it race or gender or otherwise, is a good reason for failing to following your dreams.

I thought when the Equality and Human Rights Commission formed in 2007 and lumped together the three old commissions for equal opportunities, racial equality and disability rights that they were curious bedfellows. The grouping suggested to me that the likelihood of my being discriminated against - simply because I was a woman was higher than I had thought. The blustering around the governments renewed efforts to bring a woman’s pay in line with her equivalent male colleague merely bore this out.

It is demonstrable fact that women have spear headed and helped reshape major workplace trends that have transformed organisations. Take for instance the old chestnut of work life balance – up until very recently it was considered to be a problem for women only - when women came to work they brought the necessity of flexible working – organisations had to rethink their rigid one-size fits all career routes. Career path customisation is now de rigueur.

Let us turn to religion. As I have already highlighted the thorny issues of sex, colour and disability there seems no reason to leave it out. Wilfred made the point that the old fossils in your organisation (and we all have them) who refuse to embrace change, will ultimately become relics. Relics of course have historically carried a religious significance and if you think about it, our daily activities at work are merely an extension of what we have been taught to believe is right.

My belief is that the time is ripe to wholeheartedly embrace femaleness, just as Wilfred has defiantly embraced blackness. Rather than attempt to be a ‘token’ female, I will set myself apart by the mere fact that I am a woman. I may stop short of being photographed in a big hat, but I am going to welcome in the zeitgeist

2009-02-17T15:55:00.001Z

Coaching is sometimes described as a hero's journey. It is often through the crises in our lives that we find the strengths that define us.